Welcome to another edition of Word on a Wire (* with continuing apologies to the late Leonard Cohen). It’s a collection of stuff that has caught our eye during our everyday internet or real world roaming. Basically, stuff that men of a certain age might find interesting. Enjoy.
First, the good news
Drink more coffee and alcohol! Immediately.
Not in the same glass. (Well, actually, unless it’s an Espresso Martini.)
Anyway, the main point here is that researchers have found that if you drink alcohol moderately (that word again, dammnit) and have two coffees a day, you might live past 90. Good enough for us. No more research please, ever.
How music can save you in the darkness
Chris Johnston has been a very good journalist for a long time, until recently for the Fairfax mastheads. Having taken a redundancy package like so many in the newsroom a year or so ago, Chris suddenly found himself on the wrong side of 50 but without a clear life mission or career for the first time in forever, and it seems he didn’t cope well.
In fact, a seemingly innocuous commission by Neighbourhood Paper, for Chris to review a new album release by the band, The National, turned into an incredibly honest, incredibly raw account of Chris battling a lot of demons that will be familiar to our audience.
Well played, Neighbourhood Paper, for not blinking in publishing this review.
(We wrote to Chris, btw, after we read it, to say how brave and how powerful this piece was, and to check he was doing ok. He reported back that he’s feeling on top of things, which is great news.)
Truly FCKed up
Look, we all screw up. When you’ve been around the block a few times, as we have, then you know that you don’t always get it right, and you don’t always even get the apology right either. Across the globe, a couple of very different protagonists have been wrestling with these concerns in the last week or so.
Welcome to your guide of what to do and what not to do when caught out.
- What not to do
A Pennsylvania man of God, George Gregory, leader of the Waterfront Christian Community Church, was reportedly caught cold by the police, found in a car with a young man, who happened to be naked and tied up with a rope. Look, said the pastor, it’s all just a huge mistake. I was ‘counselling’ him. The cops stopped shaking their heads in disbelief just long enough to charge him with lewdness and indecent exposure.
Probably the smart play would have been to just ask for the usual prayers and forgiveness at that point but no, admitting that he and the tied-up guy meet occasionally to ‘play’, the pastor kept digging holes: ‘I was counseling a young man with a drug problem,” he said. ‘It did turn strange, but it wasn’t my doing, OK? And I was adamant that I’m not participating in that way. And so that’s when the police pulled up, and they assume things, but I’m standing by my story.’
Those pesky cops, assuming things … but our favourite part was yet to come: this quote from the increasingly indignant pastor: ‘I won’t deny that he began to take his clothes off and propositioned me, but I will deny, on a stack of Bibles with God as my witness, that I did nothing.’
Read that again, slowly. That’s everybody’s whole point, genius. You didn’t do nothing.
2. What to do
It’s hard to believe but last week Kentucky Fried Chicken ran out of chicken. Seriously.
In the UK, the chain had to close down hundreds of stores for days because they couldn’t find enough chooks for the menu.
So, how do you handle that one? Happily Pastor George (above) wasn’t in charge of the media campaign.
Instead, some genius was, who came up with this advert (right).
Case closed, all is forgiven (unless you’re vegetarian).
Holy Teenage Delinquents!
If you’re of a certain age, there’s a strong chance you grew up watching the iconic super-camp Batman series on television with Adam West and Burt Ward.
And if that’s the case, assuming you survived Batman’s dance moves (above), you almost certainly had a major pre-teen or teen crush on Catwoman.
The bad news is that all these years later, one of the actresses who brought that unbeatable sass to Catwoman, Julie Newmar, has nothing better to do than say, ‘Damn kids’ on the streets of West Hollywood.
(And no, we’re not wearing Supreme T-shirts, either. Leave that for your kids.)
Still, where’s Adam West when you need him?
Live forever department:
It wouldn’t be a Monday round-up without an article telling us over 45’s how to be immortal – well, ok, how to stay vaguely healthier than the world expects us to be.
Today’s theory involves you channeling Arnie Schwarzenegger in his prime and also involves a word that starts in ‘pro’ and ends in ‘tein’. You’re welcome.
… and finally, there be treasure (or there be death)
Of course this story comes from America. A guy, who is not well at the time, posts on the internet that his legacy is that he’s hidden a massive treasure ‘somewhere’. With a poem as a clue.
A bunch of guys in the giantsamongmen demographic have since keeled over, desperately hunting.
We’re slightly conflicted about how to greet this news.
The message here is either: guys over 50, don’t go clambering over wild American countryside without training first, or … Holy crap! It’s still out there!
You’re big boys. You’ll make the right call. Let us know if you find it.