By Nicko Place

Does anybody even watercooler anymore? Maybe everybody just stands a metre apart, scrolling one another’s Facebook feeds? Well, regardless, here are your killer lines guaranteed to get the attention of your co-workers, family, strangers on a train…

Be the revolution, Giants! Hit ‘em with these and watch them forget their screens …

Peppa don’t take no shit

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Gangsta Pippa literally about to pop a cap in someone’s ass, as the kids like to say.

Oh hey, do you have young kids? Or you’re aware young kids exist? Then you have probably heard of English animated children’s TV character Peppa Pig? Yeah… well, umm, the thing is that she’s become a bad-ass gangster icon in China. I’m telling you, SBS wrote about it so it must be true …

Why we’re moving to Korea

Karoshi! Do you know what that even means? It’s a Japanese word for ‘death by overwork’. Yes, it’s a thing there. Although actually Mexicans, Costa Ricans and South Koreans work the longest hours in the world. South Korea’s government has just passed legislation to enforce people in big corporations to work lesshours – they think it might arrest the declining birth rate. Not even kidding. It was on the BBC so it must be true …

And speaking of work-life balance, did you hear Amazon boss Jeff Bezos’s take on it? Yeah, right. The richest guy in the world … let me guess: work harder, serfs! But actually no, he says forget work-life balance and flow through your day, doing some work, washing the dishes, smelling roses. Seems to work for him … It was in The Age so it must be true …

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A typical office scene in Seoul. These guys are all about to work less so they can go make babies. Pic: Nicko

 

When the undead is still dead even though it’s definitely not dead

Did you hear about the Romanian guy who turned up after a lot of years and found out his ex-wife had declared him dead and got a death certificate? He said to the court: hey look, it’s me, alive and kicking. But the court said, nope, sorry, you’re dead and staying dead. It sounds like a joke but it isn’t; at least not for Dead Guy who now officially doesn’t exist, when it comes to things like getting travel documents, a bank account etc. It was in The Guardian so it must be true …

Warning: Selfie danger ahead

Did you read about the guy who was mauled to death by a bear as he tried to take a selfie with it? I know, right. It was in USA Today so it must be true but actually the best part of the story was at the bottom, where it said:
‘Researchers have found India had the highest rate of deaths linked to selfies from March 2014 and September 2016, according to The Washington Post. Of 127 reported selfie deaths in that period, 76 occurred in India, a study by researchers from Carnegie Mellon University and Indraprastha Institute of Information Delhi found.’

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Quokka selfies on Rottnest Island: possibly the only reliably safe animal selfie you can attempt.

In 2015 alone, the paper reported, Indians taking selfies died while posing in front of an oncoming train, in a boat that tipped over at a picnic, on a cliff that gave way  and on the slippery edge of a canal. Also, a Japanese tourist trying to take a selfie fell down steps at the Taj Mahal, suffering fatal injuries.

USA Today is actually a bit animal-obsessed at the moment, also reporting:

So there you have it. Keep an eye on your dog. It may well be up to something.

 * with continuing apologies to the late Leonard Cohen